Just Being

Kristine Cucinotta Murphy

Mine heart weeps. Not that I didn’t have a heart for the homeless, I have been homeless before, but the longer I am being out in the world on these streets, meeting homeless people face to face and the stories of their lives they share, mine heart mourns even more and more sore.

In their failing health conditions, they take each minute as it comes. A solitude of misery and torturous pain, yet they remain. Keeping to themselves, not out to cause troubles nor be a burden to anyone, but just to make it through the day.

Questions of why they are even still here, but not dare to think to take their lives. What humbleness the silent fight of faith buried deep within that they don’t even know is there, to find a hope and a light. All so grateful for what they do have, even a small bag of clothes and or a vehicle to sleep in. Medical bills unable to even put a dent in to pay. Losing or selling their houses, on the streets now to stay.

In a big box parking lot seeing people walk by pushing loads of entertainment products and things of more for pleasure than need.

We are parked in the back row with the 4 of our trucks lined up together to catch a nap in the night. I go out for a walk again to go inside to use the restroom. Carrying back a bag of drinks, for mine husband, water for the dog and I was compelled to walk over to one of our homeless neighbors to give him my favorite vitamin water.

Phil is his name and he tells me his liver is shot, having to get 11-12pints of fluid removed each Monday and if he isn’t there that Monday, he will surely die. Having many bouts with death, yet still here. Being told next the fluid will go to his lungs and he will drown to death. Having a time even keeping his blood pressure up without medications. You could see the sparkle in his eye welling up to cry but no tear formed in a comfort shown on his face of getting to share what he is going through.

Hardly able to walk and if he falls he can’t even stand up on his own. Not that long ago collapsing right here in the parking lot, where I stood to listen to him, a day before his next fluid removal. Someone saw him and called an ambulance and they recover him once again.

Alone without anyone to care for or help him. I told him God has him here for a reason, he said he sure wished he knew what that reason was. I didn’t even stop to think of a reason, it just came out. It’s to tell someone like me what all you been through and going through right now, and preach to them to be humble and grateful for what they have, someone has it far worse off then they do. A small chuckle he let out, saying in agreement and living it, yeah humble.

What courage Phil has, accepting with a perfect peace of his fate of death at any given minute and truth he speaks in owning up to his wrongs in his life and seeing God’s mercy on him, able to testify and make others think about what is most important in life. Even if he doesn’t himself, him sharing with me to share with all of you, his witness is told.

What’s important is to just be there for someone. Even if I can’t house him or help financially, even if I can’t heal him and make it all go away, but spend a couple hours listening to him and just be there with him. The comfort of still quiet company and a couple edifying words many of us take for granted and rarely seek with God alone; the most important relationship to invest our time in.

Rather, mad at or murmuring to God. Fighting, bickering, shouting with each other and can’t control ourselves to humble and just be at peace, for love to flow and joy to grow. Not a joy of our wants but a joy in our needs of the simple, overlooked and unappreciated things in life, to just “be”. Being a human with a heart of heavenly compassion. Not looking for something, but being something, a reason and purpose we all are still here this night.

Why are we here? Why must we suffer? Why must we go without? Why must we have loss?

To know God and God to know us and just be in God and everyone’s presence in contentment no matter what state we are in. O God we need to humble ourselves and turn away from the cares of this world and desire a craving for you and your word. Just Being.