Kristine Cucinotta Murphy
A season of singleness God called me to after failed attempts of my own to have that all inspiring covenant marriage my folks have, now reaching and celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary.
Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
Did God call me to marry? At the time I didn’t care. I saw what looked good, I wanted it and went for it.
Going from marriage to divorce one too many times, God put my face on a milk carton; a lost child who wandered astray “after” being found on a dark cold winter day in 1993. Not that he didn’t know where I was but for me to find my own face. I found my face on the floor in an ocean of tears and drowning torment caught in a rip current in the fall of 2009 crying to God, “Peace God, I need Peace.” And, he said, “My Peace I Give You.” And then he started telling me the things he wanted from me.
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
First, God said, “Write your heart out.”
Later, God said, “Put all that you write in books and publish it.”
My heart started the cleansing and healing process it needed. Not only was I being cleansed and healed, so were the readers of the books God had me publish. I received letters, emails and phone calls from all over the world thanking me for sharing and helping them through their pain and struggles. It was all humiliating and I encouraged all “Thank God, not me.” And, they would.
Accepting the fact, I kept doing things my way and in my time. Then always asking God to fix what I screwed up in my disobedience, over and over was a life I no longer wanted. I had to endure singleness after 20 years of being married, which being married was all of my adult life up until then.
This was a drastic life changing experience. And the simple fact, divorce is as death, an extremely painful time. There is much sorrow and mourning.
For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
I kept my heart anchored in thanksgiving to have God and his peace and would press into him more and more, yet what I was use to was totally being stripped away. It was a torturous and yet still continuous process.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
I focused on God and digging in his word 6-8hrs a day cramming, an hour here, a few hours there. As much as I hated to read, and struggled doing so, I knew I had to be schooled in True Discipleship, by His Word and Spirit.
As content as I could be one day studying in Nehemiah, God said in a calm yet stern voice ” I am giving you to a God fearing man and you both together will minister to other couples.” There was an attentive fear of the Lord that I had when he spoke. I said, “Okay.” Then, continued my study.
Later, I started to question how? I’m divorced, failed more than once, and I am not qualified. The Bible battle wars of Scripture I was caught up in to see if there was one verse that said I was even allowed to.
I found myself slipping back to my ways and thankfully I noticed it. So, I vowed to not look, worry or have to seek justification or even confirmation to what God said I would do. God said it, then it will be.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I set off to the lake with an ordained minister and rededicate myself to the Lord, October 2011.
It was a long, agonizing, yet strengthening with growth in this 7 years of singleness. God was preparing me for what was to come. Not for the faint of heart.
I found singleness to ultimately be the greatest thing I got to experience up to this point. All I had to submit to was God. Yes, I experienced loneliness, but fact is, loneliness is experienced in marriage too.
Being single, I was free to do as I pleased. I didn’t have to consider anyone around me, there was no one around me giving me hassle.
The moment I started enjoying being single with great content, was the moment it was time to marry. God is funny like that.
Never get too comfortable where you are, seasons change, some quicker than others. And, we have to learn to change gears in a moment.
20 years of learned ways of married life without Christ as the head was purged out and removed in 7 years of singleness.
It was as if I had never been married. My mind, my heart had been changed to dedicate all my time and life to God alone. It was me and God. He got all of my attention and I got all of his! We did everything together, he led me and took me to some amazing places and spectacular mind blowing spiritual experiences.
My knowledge and discipline of studying the Word had reached heights I never imagined I could reach.
Then, came reality. It was time to apply and walk in all God taught me and put in me. Now, it’s hands on True Discipleship.
It is one thing to know it and it’s another to do it! It was and still is no easy task. But the more we do it, whether we want to or not, it becomes us.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
My expectations from studies and understanding of what a God fearing man is, compared to my now lord, head of household, God fearing husband was not what I had imagined.
This man as dedicated and a prayer warrior as he is, still has his shortcomings. He still struggles in his own things, he still stumbles, this man fails me and that alone frustrates us both, not being what I thought he should be and I have to submit to him. That has been a fight and battle of my own. I had to walk in obedience to him? No way.
But, truth of the Word, ultimately I am to submit to God by submitting to mine husband. Mind you, if something is ungodly, I do not have to comply. It too has been a life changing and even more growing experience of faith.
Truth, we are one flesh, yet it’s taking time to weave those three strands together to complete that strong strand, a little here and a little there.
Even mine husband recognized this life altering change I had to make and spoke, “It’s okay, one thing at a time.” Yet, there’s times he forgets it’s okay to give me time to change. From owning my own property, my own business, financial guru, successful published author, my comfort and contentness in being all alone. I had to step down from all of it, one at a time allowing mine husband final authority over it all. Because if my hands were in it, I ruled it.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
It has become another experience where I am finding letting go of my ways, and let mine husband handle it, fills me with a greater peace.
Either way single or married can bring God glory, be it we are in His will and serving him. We are all daily learning to let go of our ways and walk in God’s.
To have had the opportunity to be single and solely to be so intimately close to God was a blessed time for me, needed for me and my relationship with God. My heart was totally with God and in his hands.
The day I married, my heart had to be shared in the hands of mine husband too. I have to keep aware and balance pleasing both mine husband and God. Yes to please mine husband is to please God and it is extremely difficult for one to share. This is how I believe and know we have a jealous God!
We see the struggle in couples having a baby and a husband feeling left out when she has to dedicate more time and attention that he use to get and not get it. We see it when a husband is called out on missionary work and the wife is left at home, not getting the attention she desires from him. No doubt God is desiring our undivided attention too!
But, in it all, we are learning and growing to come together with God and share our time together with God; one mind, one body, one Spirit. Praying together, daily devotionals together, sing and worship together, read the Word together, work together, play together, minister together.
When we do these things daily together we are unbreakable on the mountain top. When we don’t, we struggle and start to fall apart in that valley of the shadow of death.
If you are single don’t miss out on the opportunity and blessing to get tight and right with God. And, if you plan to marry or are already married, make sure you incorporate God with your spouse in all you do together in oneness.
Oneness with God is what it is all about, single or married.
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
Discipleship leads to obedience. It can be taught but it must be applied. Faith without works is DEAD.