Kristine Cucinotta Murphy
A lot of emotions one shows or expresses come from a deeper root, from a condition physically, mentally, emotionally, or Spiritually.
I learned of this two decades ago. It was nothing short of a humiliating lesson that has stuck with me since. We must be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
My daughter’s pop pop loved her to pieces. She literally was the apple of his eye. It was beautiful to witness. Though, pop pop had his own weaknesses.
At this age of my daughter’s life of 3yrs old, she loved horses. Horse stories, movies, toys, books, you name it. Horses shined a light on her face and pop pop knew it. So, pop pop promised her one day he will get her a pony.
I don’t know what was going on at pop pop’s house but things were getting tense. There was fighting, bickering and screaming between mom mom and pop pop, so I limited my daughter’s visits and stays with them. We eventually stopped making that 3hr trip every weekend from VA Beach to Delaware to just stay out of harms way. Praying things would come to peace and settle so we could enjoy our visits again.
Months passed by and I get a phone call from mom mom. Pop pop got her the pony he promised her, we need to make arrangements for you to come get it. Shocked and not knowing what to do with a live pony in the city of VA Beach, I told her I can’t, explaining I can’t keep it where we live. Mom mom upset and not knowing what to do herself, saying she can’t keep it inside town limits, where she lives either. Pleading I have to come get this pony, pop pop promised her and he fulfilled his promise.
But, I couldn’t, nor knew what to do, my daughter’s daddy was on the USS George Washington in the Mediterranean Sea for a 6 month cruise. I had mine hands full maintaining our household, property and keeping everyone’s moral up all alone and being an admin, managing an unofficial support group with ties and contact with the US Navy official wives support group, for all of the wives and children of soley our squadron VFA-83 Rampagers on deployment at a time when stress was high as the USS Cole was attacked with wailing tears and cries of loved ones ringing my phone off the hook and emails filling my inbox in record speed time, of not knowing if their husbands were okay.
Then, the silence fell between mom mom, pop pop and I.
A couple months later, I haven’t heard from mom mom or pop pop and decided to give them a call. Mom mom answers the phone crying hard. I knew something was terribly wrong, so I asked her what’s wrong. Pop pop died last night and all he wanted to do was keep his promise to his granddaughter. I was struck with a remorse like I never had, for not just figuring out how to keep a pony living in the city. To just let pop pop have his moment to see his granddaughter receive his promise and that look she had when she did get to see it, but pop pop wasn’t there to see it. He didn’t get to see her face light up in his eye and heart, one last time.
Mom mom did kept the pony in her garage in town as long as she could and my daughter got to see it and ride the miniature pony. She did get to have her own pony, unfortunately it was not at the full hope and way pop pop would like to have had.
Moral of the story is, we don’t always know why someone acts or acts out in rash decisions but, I do know there is always a hidden reason and root cause, we don’t know why. And, we should take the time to seek and ask why so we can understand to comply to allow someone the opportunity to do what they promised to do.
We won’t always understand why the one making the rash decisions or full of emotional outbursts and they might not know why, they might just have a feeling but can’t put their finger on it.
They might be short tempered, seem confused, making rash decisions or out of sorts. But, God is not the author of confusion and we should humble ourselves to allow God to move through us, especially when we don’t agree with someone nor understand.
It’s hard to know sometimes and most of the time we learn to know after the fact and there is no going back to make the better decision. Yet, we are obligated to treat one another cautiously with respect and love, with fear of the LORD, knowing everyone has conditions of some sort and to yeild with compassion and mercy. Not, to embark power and hate on their weakness, nor pass judgement without proof of the underlining matter, but to encourage and encourage them to the one who is their strength in their weakness.
Without such understanding of someone’s condition, we are still held accountable to be merciful and love one another.
When we have knowledge of one’s condition, we then are held at a higher accountability in how we treat each other.
But, if we know:
When a diabetic chooses to not take medicine but to maintain his eating to refrain from the things that cause his condition to worsen and chooses to eat the things to benefit him, you don’t try to force him to eat what is not good for him nor withhold what is good for him.
And when her body’s condition is depression or/and anxiety and chooses to not take medicine, but to maintain her peace and joy by refraining from the things that cause her stress, that can cause her condition to worsen and chooses the things to benefit her peace of mind and joy, you don’t try to force her into stressful chaos and things to cause her to fall deeper into depression or riled up in high anxiety.
Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way..”–Romans 14:13